| Its almost a thirteen year story that will begin when she passed on
February 18th 2007 at approximately 7.45am – it was
then I began to fully understand our journey and her purpose in
my life.
It was a Sunday morning and the day started as much as any other
day. My first thought was to say hello to Pepper and then get up
put the kettle on.
While I waited for the kettle to boil Pepper was as usual ready
and waiting for her breakfast. This morning was no different to
any other. It was one of the warmer days, so it didn’t matter
about having the patio door open allowing Pepper access to the
garden while I was upstairs running my bath.
Some five minutes went by and up she trotted into the bathroom
where I was just about to jump into the bath – the funny thing
is Pepper had never been keen on the whole bath thing so I found
myself explaining to her that it wasn’t her turn and today she
would only have her face and teeth cleaned, with that she sat
down on the clothes in the corner of the bathroom that were
ready for washing while I bathed. I remember thinking I
couldn’t be too long, as I had to start work at 8 o’clock
expecting another day much the same as any other.
As I got out of the bath Pepper decided to lay down on the
landing. As I walked by her to get to my bedroom where I went to
comb my hair, I stood looking out of the window when I heard a
strange noise. At first I thought it had come from outside or
maybe the plumbing. It took me a few seconds to start walking
out onto the landing where Pepper still lay – bless her - on
the landing I noticed she appeared to have stopped breathing.
My heart pounding I ran downstairs to call the Vet but even as I
was talking to the receptionist I knew deep down that it was to
late.
Was I expecting it? ‘No’.
Were there any signs that I might have missed? ‘No’ I asked
myself as I sat next to her on the landing. I just wept and held
her lifeless body gently in my arms.
I don’t quite know at what point I picked her up and gently
placed her into her bed. I remember thinking just how much she loved that
bed.
That whole sequence of events has gone from my mind, all I do
know is that sometime later that day I started to call my friend
and mother, mum came down to pay her respects as did my son.
They came and went, but the shock still remained,
the suddenness, I was confused why now. I understand that if it
was Peppers time to go then it was her time to go, but what was
the importance of now, why now this moment in time. The
reply came very quickly, she said to me "you have always
put me first, it is now your turn to move on", of course
she was right, I had held myself back, I worked from home so she
was not on her own, everything I did I would consider her first,
people in the street always greeted her first then said hello to
me she stood between me and outside world, I believe she knew
this and she also knew that it was now time for things to change
in my life and for that to happen I needed to be in front and not
hide behind her.
(Sassy
- Little Mischief)
Let
me introduce you to Sassy - Sassy is Pepper's sister, in fact Sassy
was the first born out of a litter of five and Pepper was the third
born. Sassy was also considered to be the runt of the litter,
well having known her for thirteen years she may have been small in
size but she had the personality of all personalities, her
professional name Little Mischief could not have been chosen more
aptly by Susie mum, now Susie mum was the human owner of Sophie who
was the mother of Pepper and Sassy. Sassy unlike Pepper who
was always the hardier of the two was diagnosed with Cushing's
Disease at a very early age, and has been on medication of one sorts
or another for a very long time. She was regularly on
medication for Collitis and has never really been very good with
food and at this moment you are probably wondering why I have
introduced her to this page. Originally I thought that this
page was going to be purely communication from Pepper and there is a
lot more coming through from her, however I have come to
realise this page is for all communications that I have learnt life
understanding from. Sassy has certainly taught me over the
last week the precious meaning, value and purpose of time. As
mentioned Sassy is on medication, now medicating her is a full time
job, after a few days of continually being on the medicine giving
roller coaster I found myself whinging, here I was looking after
Sassy remembering that she had to have no less than four different
medicines in the morning and these were to be given an hour before
she could eat, then it would be a case of encouraging and feeding
her. Once the medicine and food was over it was wash her face
and groom her, during the day cook her food and then the routine
starts again medication an hour before she can eat. Well
honestly, I was finding it very difficult. There was so much I
was wanting to achieve myself but seemed to be constantly attending
the little one. Oh and don't forget of course there is the
little bit of exercise each day. Now she can only exercise for
a very short distance but believe me when I say that around the
block could take an hour it can and it did. I was beginning to
like myself less and less for feeling frustrated with the experience
of looking after Sassy, and I felt really quite selfish that I would
be allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by it. One morning a
friend rang and during the conversation process I heard myself once
again whinging - it had to stop - I took Sassy out for a short
walk. Now in front of my house there is a field that leads to
an old Mill Pond, this is where I almost daily walked with Pepper,
Ron my father and Sassy's dad often, when he was alive used to walk
Sassy there as well. It was quiet and warm so we strolled over
the field to the pond and found a dry comfortable spot to sit down,
in the quiet and peace of the moment it came through to me, here I
was with Peppers sister who has been told it is more months rather
than years before she leaves the earth plane and all I was doing was
moaning about the care she needed. In that moment I understood
the gift that the universe had provided me, here I was with an
opportunity of spending quality time, probably one of the only times
I would have to enjoy her company, play with her, comfort her and
reassure her, this was our special time it may even be one of the
last times. It also came to me that here I was with one of my
mothers most valuable treasures, she had entrusted me to step into
her shoes and be her mum. Overwhelming feelings of gratitude
came, I stroked her gently with a smile realising that all my
resistance was wasted energy, instead now I take each step at a
time. And believe it or not it has come to pass the only
person blocking my own progress was me. Because I am
achieving what I need to achieve and still giving her the love and
attention she needs.
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